Alright. I’ve been seeing a lot on social media lately relating to moms that is just, quite frankly, pissing me off. I’m honestly a little heated and I really want to share this with you. Just as a warning I’m very passionate about the topic that will follow so here we go, buckle up friends.
In the past few weeks I have see a lot of judgement regarding young moms. I have seen comments like “having kids is so much worse than (insert completely absurd comparison here)”. I have seen comments that in short say that it’s wrong to aspire to be a mother. It’s wrong to aspire to be a homemaker and wife. And I am here to tell you that those comments are a crock of absolute dog shit.
Lets start with young moms. I understand that this is not the norm currently to be a young mother. I also get that having a baby at an extremely young age is hard. Because being a mother is hard at any age. However, telling a woman in her 20’s who desires to be a mother that she is “too young” is bullshit. She is a grown adult. A woman. A human being that can make her own decision to be a mother. As long as you have the means to support a child, stop telling WOMEN that they are “too young” to have a child. Guess what? Not too long ago it was normal for women to have 3-4 kids by the time they hit their 20’s so stop trying to ostracize women for wanting to, or being, young mothers. You aren’t raising our children. You aren’t feeding them, playing with them, paying for them, or even around them, so stop. Next time you think about judging someone for being a young mother just take a look back at your family tree. I guarantee you won’t have to look too far to see one of your ancestors had a kid between 15 and 18.
Up next on the comment is wrong we have: telling people that having kids is worse than _______. It’s dumb. Having kids is not worse than having a period. Having kids doesn’t ruin your life. Having kids doesn’t stop you from traveling. Having kids doesn’t “ruin your 20’s”. Whatever you’re telling people having kids is going to stop them from doing or having kids is worse than, knock it the fuck off. Having children is hard. It is. It alters things in a lot of ways, yes. You may not be traveling by your own choice, but that doesn’t mean they are ruining anything or you can’t do things. Things are so much more enjoyable for me being able to travel and go on adventures with my kids. My life is so much fuller for it. No I didn’t ruin my 20’s by having my kids. I still can travel and I get to share those moments with my children and it’s great. A comment I actually saw was in regards to children being “way worse” than having a period every month. Fuck off dude. Children may not be for everyone, but if someone wants a child and is ready do not tell them something stupid like “kids are worse than a period”. Are you serious? Grow up!
Aspiring to be a mother. There is not a damn thing wrong with aspiring to be a mother. You don’t have to get a degree before you become a mom. You don’t. Is it nice to have? Sure. But if you aspire to be a wife, homemaker, and mother before you have a degree, or never get a degree, THAT IS OK! It’s also perfectly okay to aspire to be a mother and still want to work. It’s okay to be a homemaker, a wife, a mother, and a career woman. There is not a right or wrong way to become a mother. If you aspire to be a mother that is what you want. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for wanting to be a mom before you have a degree, or before this or that. Aspiring to be a mom is just as worthy a goal as getting a degree or a high paying job. If anyone tells you it’s not okay you send them over to me, because I will debate them until I’m blue in the face. It’s not okay to shame someone for having a different goal in life than what you or society deems “appropriate”.
On the flip side, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re too old to have kids. 30 isn’t old. Unless a medical professional tells you that your age is dangerous to have children then you’re not too old. I’m tired of people telling people not to have kids young and then two seconds later telling them that now they’re too old. Everyone moves at a different pace in life. People are so worried about others “wasting their 20’s” raising kids and then turn around and tell people that they should have kids now while they’ve decided to travel the world and build a career or a business.
It’s really very hypocritical and I for one, am tired of it. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t tell people they’re too young, then tell them they’re too old. You can’t tell them not to aspire to be a mom and then tell them they have to be a mom. You can’t tell people kids ruin whatever, and then say they’re the greatest gift. You can’t keep telling people to how to live their own lives! Just stop! Everyone moves at a different pace. Everyone has different goals. Everyone has their own life that you have no business putting in your input on. Stop telling people what to do or not, be or not be, and that they’re wrong. It is not your life. I repeat, It. Is. Not. Your. Life.
For those people on the receiving end of these comments. Tell them to screw off. You do you. Don’t feel ashamed because someone feels the need to butt in where they don’t belong. Your life and goals are your own and you don’t need to explain that to anyone. Do not let people try and dictate a life that they are not a part of. You don’t need to fall into societal “norms”. They’re dumb and not needed. Do what makes you comfortable and happy. Whether that be having kids at 20 or 35. Being a stay at home mom or a career mom. Traveling alone or traveling with a your kids and spouse. It is nobody else’s business but yours.
In the end I just want to say that kids don’t ruin your life. Being a parent is what you make of it. If you have it in your head that your kids are ruining your life then that’s on you. It makes me beyond angry when people tell me personally that my kids are in the way of me enjoying my 20’s. I enjoy my 20’s just fine running around in the backyard with my kids and doing all the things I love with my best friend and kids in tow. I love getting to share my 20’s with my kids and I refuse to let anyone make me believe that I’m wrong for having my kids young and absolutely knowing full heartedly that I wanted to be a mother and wife. You will not make me feel bad and I will fight anyone who tries.
Thank you for reading this and if you are one of those people who make those comments, correct yourself. Please and thank you. Be better. Stop shaming women for all their choices and grow up.
