There is a list of things that I could go the rest of my life without hearing and not miss in the slightest. In fact, every mother probably has a handful of phrases that they get from people that grind their gears. When we had our kids close together, and then again had more than what people deem as the “normal” two kids, that list just got longer. I’ve seen a lot of mothers recently talk about the backhanded crap that people say to them, and it got me to thinking. So let us talk about it. Shall we?
“Geez don’t you guys own a TV?” Why yes Janet we do own a TV and we still had two kids two years apart because IT’S NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS what we do in our bedroom. Thanks.
“Why doesn’t that baby have socks?” Well, the baby hates the fucking socks. Like all babies hate socks. The baby took the socks off approximately .2 seconds after I put them on and threw them into the dark abyss. I figured I would probably rather just walk from my car to the door without the stupid socks than look for them for 30 minutes just for the baby to rip them back off.
“You can stop having kids now”
“Mom’s got her hands full”
“He sticks his tongue out a lot are you sure he doesn’t have Down Syndrome?”
“You should breastfeed it’s best for the baby”
“You should really give the baby formula. No one wants to see your boobs.”
“I don’t envy you” This particular comment was in regards to my grocery bill. Kindly fuck off.
“You have a girl and a boy. It’s the perfect family”
“Don’t try for another girl. You’ll end up with three boys” This one gets me.
“You’re going to end up like one of those 19 kids families if you keep it up”
“You should really teach your kid not to do (X, Y, and Z)”
“You shouldn’t talk like that”
“You shouldn’t dress like that, you’re a mother”
“What is that outfit they have on?”
“I really wish you would bring the kids to visit more” Oh I’m sorry that we have our own life and don’t live around the corner. Also, cars work both ways. That’s the crazy thing about cars.
“Why doesn’t that kid have a jacket on?” Let me break this down. You can’t wear a jacket in a car seat. Do you really want me to put a jacket on a child when they get out of the car to walk 10 feet to take the jacket back off? Also, I fought with them in the car for 15 minutes about wearing a jacket.
“Your kids should be kissing everyone goodbye” No. They don’t have to. See that’s the thing about consent. They have control over their own bodies and if they don’t want to kiss or hug somebody, that is their prerogative.
I’ll be quite frank about the older people (usually) that say this stuff. Many of you had your own chance to raise your kids and have a family and you didn’t do a great job. Look around. There’s a whole generation that labels themselves as “cycle breakers” while they suffer from depression and anxiety trying to cope with their childhoods. Please be mindful that unless you were a perfect parent or those children are in immediate danger that your opinion quite frankly doesn’t matter. If a house looks lived in but is not filthy, keep your mouth shut. If the kids are healthy and their doctors aren’t concerned, keep your mouth shut.
The dirty looks when a child throws a tantrum in public. Or when they’re on a leash. That mother is already having a hard enough time without judgment from a stranger.
It is easy to be a perfect parent and say “my kids would never do that” before you have kids.
A lot of you forgot how hard it was when you had small children. And a lot of people, in general, have forgotten The Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Treat mothers the way that you wanted to be treated when you had small children. Just be kind and patient because being a parent is fucking hard.
And if/when someone keeps a pregnancy out of the public eye, or even just specific people, look at it and realize that it is probably because people are rude and judgmental. So if someone doesn’t share big news with you, take a good long look at yourself and what you have said in the past that caused that. You can bet your ass that people see how you talk about other people and decide not to tell you things because of it.
And yes, I realize that this makes me seem like a bitter, angry bitch. And I’m fine with that. I am angry. I am bitter. When you hear the same stupid comments over and over again it gets irritating. I am at a point in my life where I no longer want people to think they can talk to me any which way about how I raise my kids. So kindly, fuck off.