As we know, toddlers gradually get more independent. They start wanting less help and want to do more things for themselves. Which as a mother, the thought of that has always been very bittersweet for me. I simultaneously love catering to my little gremlins and them needing me for every little thing, and also thinking “man could you just do this yourself please I need a break”. When it actually starts happening its a very nerve-wracking experience. Obviously our kids have to start doing things themselves at some point, and we all want our kids to grow into capable adults so we let them do things alone, but it gave me this haunting sense of replacement.
With Mark his independence came very slowly, A little at a time he would want to try and do something for himself. It would be something new that he would try and master every month or two. It was nice getting to ease into that change. It would just be like one day he would want to pick his own shirt, then weeks later he would work on getting himself dressed, and so on and so forth. It was never learning to do two things at once. He always wanted to master the one thing he was learning to do along before he tried something else. By the time he was 2 and Rose was born he was doing a whole lot by himself and insisting on helping me with the baby. It obviously takes longer to get places, and do things once they start doing them without help, but the goal is to teach your children to be pretty self reliant. Teach them that as a parent, I’m always standing right here to help you, but you know you can do it on your own.
Rose’s independence didn’t come gradually. We are in the midst of dealing with that right now. Instead of the nice steady easing into it, her sense of independence came in like a tidal wave crashing right on our heads. This week to be exact. It was just like an overnight thing that she suddenly just wanted to do everything on her own. At the beginning of this week she just decided she wanted not a crumb of help from Joseph or I, and she was going to master it all on her own. I’m going to attribute her new found sense of independence to always seeing Mark get to do so many things on his own. I don’t know if that’s actually what happened, but that’s what I’m going with.
In the blink of an eye we went from ushering her around and holding her hand to do everything to watching her conquer the world. This week alone she doesn’t want help getting in or out of the car, she HAS to turn the lights on herself, she picks her own clothes, tries to wash her own hair, tried to teach herself to swim (obviously we intervened on this one), helped me cook once, wants to help with dishes, unloads the groceries with me (and puts them away), and so much more. If we try and help her she yells at us and will do whatever it is, again. For example, if we walk in the house and turn the lights on she will yell and then get up on the couch, turn the lights off (or demand we do), and then turn them back on. And she is very feisty about it.
When they start doing things slowly, it’s easy to handle. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, it’s easier to grasp that you’re coming into the “not needed” territory. But the way Rose decided to take it on all at once, whew, we are exhausted. She has us running all over the house constantly trying to make sure she’s learning correctly and being safe with what she’s teaching herself. It’s just a constant blur of movement, and let me tell you I’m not usually home, but when I am it’s absolutely exhausting. Joseph and I are beat with chasing her around. Mark gave us this false sense of security that she too would gradually progress, and boy she is the polar opposite.
We decided to start potty training with Rose because she seemed ready. Apparently that little bit of teaching, coupled with Mark’s independence, opened up Pandora’s box. But there will be more on that another time.
These days I’m just trying to figure out where my two little babies went. I’ve been looking at throwback pictures of them and wondering how they got to this point so quickly. Seeing pictures of them when they were so tiny and helpless. They depended on us for everything and we just thought “man I wish they could do this on their own”. Now I see those pictures and think about how I wish I had a little bit more of that time back. Now we have two very independent mini teenagers and it’s so incredibly bittersweet. I’m glad that they are doing well learning to do things on their own, and that they’re self-reliant, but I wish time would just slow down a little so they could need me more again. I miss my little babies needing me for everything. But I’ll continue to teach them how to depend on themselves, believe in themselves, and be here to kiss away the tears and embrace the snuggles that they still give me. And today I’ll glow in the fact that I taught my babies that they can do anything they set their mind too.
