Let’s talk about being pregnant during a pandemic. Because it kind of sucked. Like honestly, it really blew and no one should have to do what so many women had, and still have, to do. It’s not cool to have to go through such a happy moment in life alone. It’s not cool to ever have to go through it alone, pandemic or not, so it sucks that we all had to go through what should be one of the happiest events of our lives with virtually no one there. Appointments-alone. Ultrasounds-alone. For some, labor-alone.
We found out in January that I was pregnant. I couldn’t get a referral to an OB until I got my pregnancy confirmed by the clinic and then again by a gynecologist. So at about 6 weeks, the beginning of February, I had a gynecologist appointment and an ultrasound shortly following for dating. I went to both alone, because it didn’t seem like that big of a deal when I knew I had a bunch of other appointments and a gender ultrasound for him to be at. And luckily, everything looked ok and I wasn’t finding out bad news at the dating scan like so many women have been forced to find out alone since the onset of COVID. Had I known how the rest of my pregnancy was going to go I would have made sure that Joe was at these appointments though.
You see, Joe missed out on the majority of appointments with both of my previous two pregnancies. He was underway or on duty for most of them. He went to 1 ultrasound and maybe a total of 5 OB appointments between my first two pregnancies. That being said, I was so excited that he was going to be here to experience all my appointments and this awesome life transition with me this time. I was beyond ecstatic. Over the moon even, that my life partner, my best friend, would finally get to experience this with me. And then the whole pregnancy, the plan, got flipped upside down (cue Fresh Prince theme song).
I was scheduled for my first OB appointment around 12 weeks. That’s pretty typical of my usual experience, maybe a little later but not too bad so it didn’t bother me at all. Now I got to 12 weeks at April 3, so you can just imagine the turn this going to take. By the time my first appointment rolled around lockdowns had started and we were full on, in the shit. The game completely changed.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was transferred off of the boat that I was on and to my current unit. A land unit that could, and was willing (thankfully) to accommodate for me and my pregnancy. I reported there on March 17. By the end of my first day at my new unit we got the news that we were shifting the schedule and it was determined that for the safety of myself and my unborn child, I would not be coming into work until further notice. (At this point as many of you know there was little to no research on the effects of COVID on pregnant women and unborn baby, still really isn’t too much research.) I was very cautious, some would say overly, (still am) due to being pregnant. I did not leave the house at all until my first appointment. Joe even only left the house one time to go out for groceries and when he got back I practically made him hose himself off. I turned on the shower and sink before he even walked into the house so it was ready. He walked in and immediately stripped and put his clothes in the washer, washed his hands, and showered. Followed by me sanitizing all the doorknobs, light switches, garage door button, his car, his shoes, and anything else he could have possibly touched before I would even look at him. I was VERY cautious.
Like seriously I was very careful. I can’t stress this enough. Despite that, appointment day showed up and I took my temperature when I woke up. Then I took my temperature again before I left the house just to make sure. I used three different thermometers that all read the same thing and I made a note that my temperature was 97.8, normal. I was very paranoid despite my caution so I wanted to be safe, and then I was on my way. It was a cold day that day so I had a hoodie on with the hood up and my heat in the car on full blast because I’m a pansy and don’t deal with cold well. I got there and confidently stood there as they took my temperature, because I knew it was fine since I had just gone through all that before leaving the house. They then told me I had a 100.1 temperature and proceeded to kick me out of the office, my first OB appointment.
At this point, I’m devastated. I’m here at the doctor alone, after not being seen for 6 weeks, not knowing if the baby was ok, and I get kicked out. I called my mom, I called Joe, I’m panicking that something could be wrong with the baby and now I won’t know for another two weeks (unless they kick me out again). Through tears I drive 30 minutes home without my heat or hood on, get out of the car and go inside to wash my hands. I proceeded to take my temperature again with the 3 thermometers, which came up at 97.8 again, normal, and my temperature just magically went up 3 degrees and back down in a matter of 45 minutes? Not likely. (I took my temperature every morning and night for 3 days, all normal.) So now I’m pissed! I understand precautions but it really didn’t seem like rocket science to me that I was wearing a hoodie with the hood up and the heat on full blast could have been the reason my temp was so high when I got there. So I’m pissed that now I’m going to go 8 weeks with no medical care for no reason other than being cold on the way there and doing what I needed to to be warm in the car. That in itself turned what was supposed to be a happy check up and pregnancy with little bean into a sad and panicked venture alone.
So 14 weeks rolls around and the entire time leading up to this I’m reluctant to even go again because I don’t want that experience again. But I truck myself the 30 minutes there for the safety of the baby, with a tank top on and the windows open the whole way, because I’m *petty*. I go in, mask donned, by myself. The nurses keep their distance like everyone has the plague, which I understand why but it still is strange. They mumble their instructions under their mask before hand sanitizing and slumping away, very impersonal. When the doctor came in she kept her distance too. She came in and stood across the room from me, only coming closer to hear the heartbeat and hand me genetic testing paperwork, careful not to touch my hands at all. A very sad, lonely, cold exchange in comparison to how these appointments usually go. I feel for moms having their first ever OB appointments and this is what their normal is. Going a whole pregnancy so distant from everyone, not getting to build that normal doctor patient relationship.
If you’ve ever been pregnant you likely know that your appointments are typically spaced 4 weeks apart and then sometime around 28-30 weeks you got to 2-3 weeks apart until 35-36 weeks when you start going every week. Well being pregnant during COVID that is no longer the standard for a lot of people. In my experience, I had my appointment at 14 weeks then not again until 22 weeks with an anatomy scan at 20 weeks. Then my next appointments were 29 weeks, 33 weeks, 35,36, etc. This spacing made me, personally, very uncomfortable. I was worried constantly that something would be wrong and I wouldn’t know for a long time, and then when I did fine out I would be alone. I honestly can not imagine being pregnant with a rainbow baby and barely getting medical care in the first and second trimesters. I can’t imagine the amount of panic that one who has had trouble conceiving or suffered from pregnancy loss must have felt/feel during this. Not knowing if this miracle rainbow baby was ok or not for 6+ weeks at a time. It was miserable for me, uncomfortable for me, not ideal for me, so I honestly can not imagine and I truly sympathize for all the women that are going/have gone through this during the pandemic.
Giving birth this time around was also a little different in my opinion. I didn’t by any means have a terrible birthing experience but it definitely wasn’t my typical experience either. First off, the mask while in labor is kind of a bummer. I know a lot of people are lenient about it because you’re pushing out a human, like my medical team was lenient after I got my test results, but I have also heard a lot of people having to labor/deliver with a mask on which totally sucks. I completely understand wearing a mask until your COVID test comes back, but beyond that, eh. Pushing a baby out with a mask on kind of dampens the experience. Speaking of COVID tests, it’s definitely not great to get a giant Q-tip shoved up your nose during labor. There’s enough pain that that is really just the cherry on top of a shit storm. Again, luckily I was not in labor when I got mine due to being induced, but that is not typically the case for women in the delivery room. It did really blow for me having to get my second COVID test after really hoping that I would never need another one ever again.
So your in this room, wearing your mask, people coming in and out so you don’t really get much chance to take your mask off for God knows how many hours for some people, get a Q-tip shoved up your nose and now you’re waiting for results (mine took like 3.5 hours to get). Then, again, everyone is a little more distant (my opinion). It’s weird not getting to see people’s faces that will be looking at your vagina and watching a literal human being come out of your body, but I digress. And for me, it was weird to only get to have one support person. My parents have been in the room for delivery both previous times, with my mom being my biggest help during my labors, so that was definitely an adjustment for me. Last, but not least, in the long list of reasons COVID ruins a pregnancy, no visitors. It was kind of nice for the first few hours to not have visitors, I won’t lie, but also really strange and really lonely. I would have liked nothing. more than to see Mark and Rose walk into that room to meet their baby brother. They have a way of making me feel better when I’m hurting too that would have been really nice at that time. It was such a special moment that I was looking forward to that I felt like we, as a family, got robbed of. It is obviously still great, and special, for them to meet their baby brother at home, but not quite the same. I missed my kids too, and it was kind of sad to have been a family of 5 for that hospital time without them there with us.
I could have never anticipated being pregnant and delivering during a pandemic. A lot of us, who got pregnant prior to the pandemic, could not have guessed this would happen. There was no way to know. It took so many magical moments and turned it into lonely doctor appointments, no baby showers, no special sibling meetings, and very strange delivery and recovery experiences. I feel for all the moms out there who experienced and continue to experience this. This is something that a lot of people won’t understand when moms say that this wasn’t their ideal pregnancy. I feel for first time moms who think this is normal. For moms having their last baby who don’t get to end it on a high note, with a normal pregnancy. I feel for those having rainbow babies who don’t get to share these special moments with their partners. I feel for those who have to suffer infant loss, alone, without their support system and have to find out that unfortunate news without someone by their side to hold them and help them. Sitting alone in an ultrasound room, or an exam room, by themselves finding out the most devastating news of their lives.
I wish that Joe could have experienced this all with me for the first time like he should have been able to, like we were so excited to, after missing the first two. Pregnancy during pandemic kind of sucked, and I’m just glad that it’s over and I get this beautiful child after such an unfortunately lame experience. What a beautiful outcome to such a horrible OB and pregnancy experience, alone and isolated from the world. The best thing to come out of a pregnancy during this pandemic are all these beautiful children. Thankful for baby Joey through it all, but fuck off 2020.
