Let’s talk about postpartum. Not the most thrilling topic. Kind of a gross process, but you have to do it if you are birthing children. I’m going to touch on my postpartum journey, a little from all three. I also really want to touch on my postpartum essentials for the first-time moms, or otherwise, because my list has greatly evolved with each birth and no one ever really knows what you need at home to recover. Mind you I’ve had some fairly easy recoveries, and all vaginal, so I obviously do not speak for every mother.
The bulk of this is going to be about my postpartum body image. It’s really important for moms to start talking about this. It is okay to not like how you look after having a baby. I’ll say it again for those who are feeling pressured to “bounce back” and get back into those pre-baby jeans. It is okay to not like how you look after having a baby. Your body has drastically changed, it is not the same body you are used to seeing and it is okay to not be okay with it.
I have never been a fan of my postpartum body. I have always had a slim, toned figure. I have always had the figure of an athlete so I have struggled each and every time with my postpartum body. I always get trapped in wanting my pregnant belly back, but simultaneously wanting my pre-baby 20-year-old body back. After Joseph was born, despite being in a way better headspace than the previous two times, I found myself looking down at my deflating belly and breaking into tears. Part of me upset that I didn’t just instantly magically return to abs and a slim waist. Yet another, stronger, part of me crushed that this once big, beautiful belly that I adored, that protected and nourished my child, was suddenly gone. Just like that. Then another part of me still, was looking down at these stretch marks, that have expanded three times over, and was just utterly disappointed by them.
This isn’t a new feeling for me at all. After every time I’ve given birth I’ve looked at my body and felt sad, ashamed even. My once slim, stretchmark free body, ruined. And it’s okay to not like your postpartum body, as long as you don’t become consumed with that feeling. It’s okay to want your slimmer, maybe more toned, figure back. It’s great to work towards a body you’re more comfortable in, as long as you’re not shaming yourself for the parts of your body that you can’t “fix” or won’t “go back to normal”. I have let myself become consumed by my dislike of my stretch marks, and it got me nowhere. I have let myself be consumed with getting my slimmer body back, and I guess I looked “better” by other people’s standards, but at the cost of not feeding myself properly and spending way too much of my free time working out. (3-4 times a day, every single day.) I have let myself become obsessed over my postpartum body and it has helped me, time and time again, achieve peace with it.
My body has grown, nourished, and raises three children. My stretch marks are my battle scars. My stretch marks remind me of the remarkable things my body has accomplished. My body has done absolutely incredible things and it will never again be that body I had at 20 years old, and that’s fine. That’s great even. I don’t always like what I see in the mirror, but that’s ok, because I appreciate what my body has done for me. I will not pressure myself to get back to that body I once had, because if I still had that body I would not have my three amazing children, and the body I have now does have those three children. This skin has stretched to hold humans and birth them. These arms have carried infants in them and held up toddlers that had an ouch and needed mommies hugs. These legs have held me up and carried me through pregnancies, births, and motherhood. I may not always like what I see, but I appreciate it.
Besides your body, postpartum is a difficult journey to navigate. Your body is still healing and many times your relationship is strained as you both juggle this transition in parenthood and the sleeplessness it brings. Postpartum brings a slew of struggles, but also so much joy, so many snuggles and precious memories. Your body has a major wound in your uterus, and whether c-section or vaginal, there is blood and a lot of the time, stitches, to attend to. It hurts to cough, sneeze, laugh, and that first poop is terrible. Yet you still have a baby to care for. It’s difficult to try and take care of yourself and not get swept up in the day to day and let your care fall to the way side.
My experience this time has definitely been easier, between the knowledge I’ve gained previously and having a much smaller baby. I’m healing quickly and in a much better headspace with myself and with my marriage than I have been the prior two times. I have my feet planted firmly on the ground and a much more supportive and helpful Joe this time around. This time I even got to take the time for some self-care within the first 24 hours. I took a shower, did a face mask, and just took the time to let Joseph handle the baby so I could really clean myself up after birth. With Mark, I could barely sit, let alone walk for over a week my body was in so much pain. With Rose, despite feeling well enough to go home at 24 hours, I was bleeding a lot for the first two weeks, and cramping just as long. But with Rose, I kept walking, doing chores, and pushing myself way too hard. This time, aside from being tired, a constant headache that I can’t shake, and getting a little sad every few days, I feel pretty good. Moody, but good. I obviously am still healing and having bleeding and some slight cramping, but apparently having smaller babies has a few benefits.
There are two things about postpartum that I truly fear though. Like shake in my boots, middle of a horror movie, fear. The first poop and the first period. For whatever reason that first period is like a normal period times 10. And I really don’t know why, but that first poop is something no one talks about and I will never be prepared for. Absolutely terrible.
Which brings me to my evolved list of postpartum essentials. Including some things that have helped me have what I consider a successful breastfeeding journey, despite not being at two weeks yet. Since I’m already talking about every parent’s favorite subject. The one we find ourselves oddly comfortable with talking about anywhere. (You know you’ve had the “is this normal” talk about it when it comes to your kids, don’t lie.) Poop. That’s what I’ll start with. For the love of all that is holy, take the stool softeners. The second they offer them at the hospital you better suck them puppies down. I have refused them every time and every time it takes me 4 days to poop and then I regret not taking them. Trust me, you want the stool softeners in your medicine cabinet when you get home.
Some general things that I need to have when I get home to take care of my own recovery. I get extra heavy overnight pads, they’re practically a diaper but sometimes you just need that. Accompany that with some full coverage “granny panties”, because your tiny underwear just isn’t gonna cut it this time sister. They have always given me Tucks at the hospital, but when I’m at home I much prefer soaking medium sized gauze in witch hazel, it fits the body better and has more coverage than using 3 Tucks. Also it’s way cheaper to just buy gauze and witch hazel and do it yourself. I also keep some panty liners on hand for when your bleeding slows down a little or if it’s lighter at night. I’m personally not really a fan of Dermaplast, but it does do the trick, I just hate the smell. Make sure you have your squirt bottle and lots of toilet paper. Essential.
If you’re planning on breastfeeding and have struggled before or this is new, I have been using a lot of things that I truly believe have helped me this time. I am by no means an expert on this at all and I still 100% believe fed is best and honestly wouldn’t even still be breastfeeding if I wasn’t supplementing with formula (he gets 2 two ounce bottles a day to give my nips a break). I have heard time and time again about the Haaka for collecting your leakage as you feed from one breast. I got one this time, and honestly I hate it. I don’t recommend it, but apparently it works for a lot of people and it is a very inexpensive option for pumping if you want to try it out. I did however get the Elvie breast pump and it has been a life saver. It’s a wireless breast pump that you just pump in your bra and let it do it’s thing. I know there’s quite a few of them out now but I got the Elvie. It’s amazing to not be tethered to a wall and without this pump I wouldn’t be breastfeeding or pumping anymore, quite frankly. If you’re pumping also, storage bags. I have found that the Target ones work just as well. I don’t find breast pads necessary, but I did get some store brand ones, but they don’t stick very well. I have always gotten the Dapple dish soap to wash bottles and pump parts with because it is more effective for baby smells in my opinion.
Now the things that have helped me continue my journey past the first few days. Body Armor drinks. I can not say enough good things about them. Joe loves them, the kids love them, and I love them. Breastfeeding is about being hydrated and I have always struggled with drinking enough water. The Body Armor drinks really have helped me stay hydrated because they taste amazing, and they’re incredibly hydrating due to the coconut water in them. Very important for me, a nipple shield. My right nipple is very sensitive and this nipple shield has saved me to many times in the past few days. It teaches Joey how to latch better and gives my nipple a little bit of a break. After every pumping or feeding I have been using Lanolin on my nipples and have also tried out Baby Bum Calendula Cream and Natural Monoi Coconut Balm, as well as some breast milk on the nipple. They really help keep the area around the nipple as well as the nipple, hydrated and soft so that baby doesn’t have to try so hard to latch. Also, after each pump or feed I use nipple ice packs. I got ones that can be hot or cold packs which helped in the beginning as heat packs for let down and relieving some engorgement. I haven’t been out with the baby very much due to flu season in addition to COVID so I haven’t gotten to use it much and it’s not super essential, but I got several covers from Milk Snob. They are breastfeeding covers, but also carseat covers and cart covers. Very versatile and I love the prints.
I think that’s all I’ve got for you guys. Postpartum is a truly difficult time. It’s a hard adjustment no matter how strong you are or how you dice it. It’s okay to not be okay. I’ll say it one more time. It’s okay to not like your body after you have a baby. Just remember to take care of yourself, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Drink plenty of water and let yourself heal. I wish nothing but the easiest of postpartum journeys on everyone of you. And don’t forget to slow down and enjoy your baby. It goes way too fast.
-A Postpartum Mommy
