First off, welcome everyone to December and we are almost to the end of 2020. I hope that everyone’s healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you’re having a hard time I’m always here to help and make sure you’re practicing proper self care. For those moms out there, just a reminder that you need time without your children sometimes and self care is more than just taking a shower or practicing basic hygiene. And I hope that everyone’s enjoying the holiday prep as much as you can. Now to the main course.
Gender disappointment. It’s real. It’s OK. And I’m going to talk about it.
Now I know what some of you are thinking “children are a blessing how could you possibly be disappointed by their gender?” And that’s completely true. Children are an incredible blessing and at the end of the day we’re all just happy to have healthy babies. However, sometimes that initial shock of finding out the gender and the baby not being what you expected or maybe were hoping for, can kind of be disappointing. It’s not that you love your child any less because they were a boy or a girl, but if you have three boys and were hoping to finally get a girl it can be a little sad to see that not happen.
I’ll speak on my personal experience. When I first got pregnant for the first time I had this gut feeling that we were having a boy, and we did. Now I always thought that I would only have boys so when I got pregnant for the second time and I got that gut feeling that I was having a girl it honestly got me really hopeful because I didn’t think that I would ever have that. I am by no means a girly girl, but it’s really fun to dress up little girls. And Rose just so happened to be way easier to this point (knock on wood) than Mark was up to her age, and he just gets harder. So when I got pregnant for the third time, I’ll be honest with myself and all of you, I was hoping for another little girl. I kept thinking how easy Rose was and how much fun it is to put cute dresses and bows on her and just play dress up with her.
My gut feelings hadn’t been wrong yet, and a feeling I couldn’t shake was that baby #3 would be a bouncing little boy. And I went to that ultrasound while she searched around for all his limbs being accounted for, still hoping deep down that there was a chance it was a girl. When the ultrasound tech told me that my gut was right and I was indeed having another little boy, my stomach dropped a little. I felt bad even thinking it for a second, but I was a little disappointed. Still, I pulled myself together inside and walked out to my mom’s car and we drove back home to reveal it to the kids, Joe, and my mom.
I secretly grabbed that golf ball with that little blue mark on it and we picked our “team boy” and “team girl” stickers and headed to the backyard. I hyped everyone up and Joe hit the golf ball revealing the blue powder inside that confirmed to him and the family that we were having a baby boy, a little baby Joey.
See we had discussed the previous night that both Joseph and I were still holding out hope that baby would be another little girl. So I could see on his face the slight disappointment that I had also seen reflected back in the mirror. Still, we put on a smile and hugged each other, hugged the kids, and shared the news with family (many of whom didn’t even know I was pregnant until that day).
While we were disappointed and it’s OK to be disappointed, within a matter of hours we were both over the moon excited. At the end of the day we were happy to be welcoming a healthy baby. A healthy baby BOY to our growing family. What a blessing a healthy baby is and at the end of the day I wouldn’t change having a baby boy for the world. Joey is exactly what we needed and I’m so glad that I have his tiny little face to see everyday. Babies are blessings, and while gender disappointment is real and it’s fine to have, as long as you love that baby when it arrives none of that matters.
I’m also aware that some people may be more disappointed than others. We went into baby #3 with a boy and a girl, so no matter what the gender we would have a “tie breaker”. I had a boss that had two girls and after his wife getting pregnant with a third girl, he was a little disappointed. Obviously still excited, but after two girls he was hoping for a son. I also have a friend who had two boys and after getting pregnant with her third, was hoping for a little girl. If you’re still reading this and thinking I’m a terrible human for feeling disappointed for a slight moment just think for second. Take this for example: you have 8 kids, all girls. Your wife, or you, gets pregnant with your ninth child and you find out it’s baby girl #9. You’d probably be a little upset for a second. This situation happens a lot (not usually on that size scale, but you get my point) and we all feel a little bad being disappointed, but it’s fine to feel that way as long as you get past it. It’s normal.
I wanted to write this post to let you all know that you’re normal. There is nothing wrong with feeling a little down for a moment about what you’re having. Some of you may disagree with me. Some of you may think I’m terrible for thinking this way. Some of you may have never experienced this. But for those of you who have, or who will experience this one day, this one’s for you. You. Are. Normal. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. You don’t have to feel like a terrible human. You don’t have to look back at your genuine feelings and feel bad about it. It’s how you felt. At the end of the day as long as you love your child with all your heart no matter what, then that moment of disappointment that disappeared doesn’t matter.
Boy am I glad that you guys aren’t waiting for me to write this in real time or I’m not on some kind of live platform. I just had to take a 15 minute “break”. I say it like that because when I say “break” I mean that my potty training daughter just pooped in her Pull Up and then went into the bathroom and tried to go potty while Joe was rocking Joey to sleep. Needless to say she was covered in poop, the bathroom was covered in poop, the floor was then covered in poop because I had to clean her up. The bath had to be filled and baths given. A shit storm if you will. I may have just jinxed myself previously in this post in saying that Rose was easier than Mark.
Anyway, gender disappointment is real. It’s OK. If you’ve ever experienced or will experience it, don’t feel bad or guilty as long as you love your kid. If you ever want to talk about it, know that a lot of people experience it, myself included, and I’m more than willing to chat with you about it if you’d like.
Stay safe. Stay healthy. Remain calm. If you need to talk about anything or would like me to talk about anything, let me know. Happy holiday season!
