So I use my blog and website more like a diary than anything. I use it that way in hopes that my struggles can help someone, somewhere manage a little better or feel a little less alone. A lot of what I have been writing in the past few months has been primarily focused on the negatives surrounding me. I’ve had a lot going on, mentally and physically, that I am really grateful that I had this platform to vent on. I still have a lot going on and I’m still very stressed out and not in a great spot mentally. However, I want to use this post to focus on some positive things that have happened. I want you all to know that no matter how bad of a spot you are in there are always good things to focus on too. I have been looking for the positive person that I used to be, or maybe not truly be but at least I portrayed myself outwardly as that positive person. So this post is dedicated to me looking at and for the positives in life. Here we go.
In the past few months I have had the opportunity to go to therapy and talk to a therapist, as well as a postpartum group, and a psychologist(?). Between all these people combined I’ve been able to sit and think and notice some of the destructive behaviors I have as coping mechanisms or otherwise. It’s truly a wonderful feeling to be able to notice the things that I do and have the opportunity to change my mindset or at least try and look at things differently to better myself and my situations.
As always, my kids are the lights of my life. Joey has started crawling in the past few weeks. He is mobile now and he is loving it. He likes being on the floor and playing with Mark and Rose and it is truly magical to watch them all bond. Joey also found his voice and he has sure been letting it be known. He has the cutest little giggle and he is very vocal and just such a happy baby. He still isn’t taking a bottle but he’s eating some solid food and he is absolutely loving it. It’s really funny to watch him eat because he makes such a mess and is so aggressive about it that he almost bit off Joe’s finger which was pretty funny. He makes such a mess and get food all over his nose and his face and that’s just my favorite when kids start eating solids. I’m evolving as a parent in that aspect too. I decided to give homemade baby food and baby led weaning a try and it’s kind of fun to try those new things.
Mark is so energetic and active. He constantly has something to do or say. He is always doing something and getting Rose to play too. Lately Mark has been asking a lot of questions with a lot of them being really hilarious. Apparently today him and Rose were telling Joe about how they’re going to have big boobies when they grow up. Good for them, ya know? Mark has also been really lovable lately which is really awesome. He went through this phase where he only said “i love you” to me when he wanted something and I’m really glad to be past that. He has been wanting a lot of hugs, cuddles, and kisses lately and that really makes me happy and makes these long days a little more bearable. He also seems to be sleeping a lot better, which is really great because he was barely sleeping at all for a long time. He really is just the sweetest boy. He’s also doing better with his variety of food. He is slowly trying new things on occasion and, even if he doesn’t eat those things consistently, at least he tries them. Him and Rose have been getting along and you can really tell again how close they are. They went through a little riff after the baby was born so it’s nice to see them getting along again like the best friends they were before. Mark also really likes helping me unload groceries. He just wants to be helpful. He’s really good at helping with Joey too. He’s just evolving into this little person and it’s bittersweet but that’s what parenting is is helping them evolve into little people that don’t suck so I think we’re doing a pretty good job.
And my little Rosie. Oh Rosie is just as feisty as ever. She is such a free spirit. She marches to the beat of her own drum in the best possible way. As much as I like to watch her play with her brothers, it is something special when she gets to play on her own. She has an amazing imagination, particularly when she is playing by herself. She’s finally starting to talk more which is amazing because she hasn’t really been talking too much up to this point, but now she’s getting the hang of it. She likes playing with her scooter and zooming around the house. We also have had some special bonding time just me and her where she has helped me cook. She actually learned how to cut things with a knife so she helped me cut up a kiwi for Joe one day. She is the sweetest little human. She always grabs two of any snack when she gets something so that Mark can have one too. She is absolutely obsessed with lollipops. Like seriously obsessed. Rose is really starting to hold her own when it comes to Mark. He used to take her food and not let her talk and just boss her around but now she sticks up to him and it’s good to see her turning into such a strong little girl. She’s very smart. We started learning letters and she’s very very intelligent. I’ve heard your daughter is a reflection of you and she truly is. I see all my best traits in her and sometimes I really need that.
My dear sweet Joe. Joe and I have been working really hard towards a healthy marriage, and we are really getting there. We are rediscovering each other and really bonding again. We are starting to remember what we love about each other and why we became best friends in the first place. I am starting to really see my best friend in him again and I’m glad that could happen in this time when I need him. He is trying to progress himself in a lot of ways and I’m really happy for him. The more he works on improving the things he knows he needs to work on internally, the better our marriage becomes. Our marriage has truly never been better and I hope that we keep going on this uphill trend because I love having my best friend back and learning about what drives him and just really bonding with him. We even bought a bunch of gym equipment so maybe we can help motivate each other to get to a healthier us too. I hope that we can use that as a little extra bonding time as well as self improvement.
For all the complaining I do. For all the negative that I write about. For all the bad things that happen and the stress and anxiety that surround me. I want you all to know that I have so much that I’m grateful for. There are so many good things that happen all the time and unfortunately the bad overshadows that a lot of the time and I don’t take the time to focus on all that I have. I’m glad for all the opportunities I have to better myself and get to a good place and I’m so grateful to have my family as my support system right now and just to shine light on the positive around me. Like I said, there is still a lot of stress, but I have so many positive things around me too. I needed to write this down and help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, if you will.
What a life. The ups and downs will all be worth it. I’m sure of it.