Please excuse my delay in writing. It was a rough couple of weeks, as you can probably tell from my previous blog posts. And it just kept getting rougher. I found myself crying on the floor over a baby sock because I was overwhelmed so we have been away and then when we got back the heater broke, I had laundry to catch up on (I still haven’t caught up), no sleep and not enough coffee because 5 people in one tiny room, a mouse and setting up Terminix coming out, an ER visit for Rose eating toothpaste, and a case of thrush for me and Joey. Busy week. It still hasn’t started looking up but I won’t get into that, just yet at least.
AAAAAAAnywho.
The holidays are difficult. They’re financially, mentally, and emotionally straining. This isn’t a mom specific difficulty. It’s hard for single folks, newlyweds, and families. It’s just hard in different ways and I’m finding it hard to believe that the holidays ever get easier, honestly.
First off, the holidays bring with it daylight savings time. It’s hard to stay motivated and cheery when it gets dark before dinner. Then, there’s the financial burden that the holidays place on a lot of us. You have presents for God knows how many people, then as a military family or even just someone not living at home you have plane tickets or gas to drive where you need to be. Not to mention the actual stress of traveling during the holidays. The traffic, driving or airport. This year in particular is going to be hard for the holidays. A lot of people are already struggling financially with the shut downs at the beginning of the year and more shut downs looming. Traveling this year, if it even happens, is going to miserable. Then worrying about the potential of getting COVID after the holidays and the inevitable boom in cases post holiday.
When you’re single the holidays for a lot of single folks means getting bombarded with “when are you going to get a *significant other*” and other questions regarding your life and life choices. That in and of itself gives people anxiety. No one wants to field all those questions while they’re trying to enjoy the holidays. (cue single folks getting extremely drunk so they don’t have to) I can’t personally relate, but I’m sure that just gets worse the older you get.
Then you finally found your special someone and you take them home for the holidays. Now you have to field the “when are you getting married” “is it serious” questions. (Cue you and your significant other getting drunk to deal with questions) Again, I’m sure this gets worse the older you get.
Finally, you get married and you go to both of your families houses for the holidays because, honestly, you don’t have any reason not to and it’s nice to see everyone. Depending on your family and how long you’ve been married you field another string of questioning. You know where this is going. “When are you two going to have babies?” Wildly inappropriate honestly, with the possibility of infertility or baby loss. (You don’t know what people are going through)
If you do welcome a little blessing into the world the holidays really step it up a notch. As a mother and a wife, a military member to boot, I can really understand how stressful this gets. When you have kids the holidays get a little bit harder to manage. It gets harder to do it all and at some point you have to make your own traditions. With small children it’s not always realistic to go to everyones family, or even anyone’s family, for the holidays. And it’s more important that the holidays are special for those kids.
It is so much work to make the holidays magical. Once you become a parent you realize very quickly that the holidays were magical because you had a mom who loved you very much and did everything she could to make it special and see your eyes light up with the holiday magic. I bend over backwards to make the holidays special for my kids, and honestly Joseph too. I buy all the presents for everyone, Joe’s family and my own. I put a lot of thought into it and I really like to get people things I know they’ll love which is stressful for me because I want the presents to be perfect. Then I set up all the decorations so I can watch the kids eyes light up when they see the Christmas tree and all the ornaments. Then I wrap all the presents and I slip them under the tree and set up the stockings. I plan out what is for the stockings and what is from Santa and what is from us, in addition to wrapping the presents from family we won’t see.
It usually falls on me to make the plan of where we will be going and seeing during the holidays. This is so mentally draining for me because I don’t want anyone to feel left out or get mad, but we just can’t do it all. Especially with three small kids now. It’s stressful trying to make a plan for the holidays knowing in the back of my mind that someone is going to be unhappy with us no matter what, and if they’re not and we do get it all in then it’s physically exhausting for all of us and I don’t get to enjoy the holidays at all. Still, I make the plan for the actual holiday and the days leading up to it. I try and get in looking at Christmas lights, hot cocoa and Christmas movies, and doing something special just our family before the craziness starts.
Making holiday magic is incredibly draining. Making plans, thinking of personalized gift ideas, buying the gifts, wrapping them, decorating, and making everyones family happy, which for me seems like an impossible feat these days. It’s stressful and the days leading up to Christmas I am overwhelmed and panicking and the days following I just collapse into myself. This isn’t even including Thanksgiving, which for the past few years we have done at home alone, with my parents coming at some point, and me cooking a full Thanksgiving dinner. Which I’m sure is upsetting for a lot of people that we do it alone, but I just do not have the mental, physical, or emotional capacity to do it and I hope they can understand that.
My favorite Christmas this far has been the one where we stayed at home. I’m sorry if that seems selfish, but it was my favorite. We made cookies on Christmas Eve and decorated them then watched movies and drank cocoa. Then on Christmas Day we woke up and opened presents, made pizzas for lunch, and I made a special Christmas dinner. My favorite by far.
We are desperately trying to create our own traditions these days. Which in itself is kind of difficult because I want to build traditions that we can sustain forever. What we have landed on thus far is getting the kids hot cocoa and pajamas that they get to open on Christmas Eve morning. Joseph and I also get pajamas, they don’t have to be matching but we have done matching family pajamas. We put cookie and milk in the fridge and leave Santa a note that it’s in there. Then we go to my families house and partake in all those family traditions. When we return home I sneak into the house and drink the milk and eat the cookie and leave the plate on the table for the kids to see and then put out Santa presents. It’s important to me that our kids only get one small present from Santa because I don’t ever want other children to feel like they weren’t important enough to get a lot of a big present from Santa. Then the kids come into the house and we open presents and then we get to relax the rest of the day and play with presents they got. And that’s it for our own concrete traditions. I sometimes make cookies though. I really like cookies. And hot cocoa. I like to slip hot cocoa in there if I can. I deserve it.
What are some of your traditions? What plans work for you? Am I crazy in thinking that the holidays are stressful? Do you go to more than one place for the holidays or stay home? How do you handle being military during the holidays if you’re a military family? Let me know.
With love,
Your stressed out motherhood introvert
P.S. The attached gingerbread house was made several weeks after Christmas, it didn’t get eaten, and the icing wouldn’t stick at all. I also don’t remember ever making a gingerbread house before that one.
