Being a mother of three has proven to be a humbling experience thus far. One second I feel like the best mom in the world and the next I feel like I’m screwing my kids up and they’re never going to forgive me. One day I’ll find myself being so attentive making them these nutritious meals and planning activities and teaching them new things. Then the next day I’m letting them eat cheesecake for dinner and spending all my time trying to catch my breath and do a million things around the house, and only realizing as I lay down for bed that night that I ignored them all day.
When I was parenting two kids pretty much alone, I pretty consistently felt like I had it all under control. At least I made myself think that on the outside even when deep down I felt like I had nothing under control. I made it a point with just Mark and Rose to give them both their own special time, whether it was snuggles, a book, or an activity they liked (dancing mostly). When I found out I was pregnant again I thought “oh it’ll be just as easy to do this with three as it is with the two of them”. I must have forgotten how needy newborns are, or maybe I was just naïve. I kind of feel like I set myself up for failure in not thinking that I would need to change my schedule. Thinking that the same schedule for two would work for three.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m starting to kind of figure it out, but the first few months have been a hard adjustment. Especially with breastfeeding where I’m the sole person who can feed the baby. It’s hard to try and make time for Mark and Rose when at the drop of a hat a small child could be in a full on panic thinking that he’ll never eat again because there wasn’t immediately a titty in his mouth the absolute first second that he thought he might possibly be hungry.
The past couple of weeks I finally starting getting used to giving each child their own personal time when everything in our house starting breaking or needing attention, and life starting happening again. I mean I have had not a thing to do for the past 3ish months other than be a full time mom and wife, so when things started getting busy and complicated my little engine got a wrench thrown into it and it started to sputter. I mean I could only handle so much. So I had just gotten used to giving everyone their time and then had to focus on getting life together. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when things start breaking, you have to cook and clean, there’s kids who need time and attention, a husband who should also get time and attention, and just generally being a homemaker with other stuff going on.
So this week I’ve been trying so hard to get back into it. I’ve been trying to give Joe time to take the two older kids out to play so I can have some quality time with Joey. In turn I also take time to snuggle with just Mark, or Rose separately or do an activity. This week I’ve made time to dance with Rose and teach her the alphabet. I’ve also taken the time to play cars with Mark and read some books to him. I also think it’s still really important to spend time with Mark and Rose without Joey. So tonight we plan on having a sleepover in our room in a tent. They’re really excited which makes me feel like I’m succeeding today.
The past weeks have also been really important to me to have time as a whole family. We have been looking at Christmas lights. We have gone to the zoo. We like to go on walks as a family, whether at the seawall or just on the path behind our house. We’ve also been spending a lot of time in the backyard as a family. I think it’s really important to nurture all of the relationships in the family as well as build a new, healthy family dynamic. Still, sometimes I feel like I’m still a little in over my head as I have to adjust to a new family dynamic myself.
Some things specifically I find myself struggling to manage adjusting from two to three. We were potty training Rose before Joey arrived and it’s been really hard for me to give that the focus it needs and deserves. I also find myself losing my patience with Mark particularly and it makes me feel like a complete failure as a mom. I hate losing my patience with Mark and Rose, but particularly Mark because since he is older I convinced myself that he knows better. When in reality, he’s still only 4 years old and doesn’t really know that much better. In general, losing your patience with your kids as a mom is kind of crushing, but when I realize I’m losing it more with one over the other (and sometimes I’m rougher on Rose too) it feels really shitty.
After me saying all that, this may come as a shock, I genuinely believe that it’s been an easier adjustment period to go from two to three than any other adjustment. Adjusting from being a married couple to parents was so incredibly difficult. Then adjusting to a family of three to four got so much easier. Which seems silly thinking about how having a toddler and a newborn was easier than just focusing on a newborn, but I don’t make the rules, it was just easier for us. And even sillier, it’s even easier to have two toddlers and newborn than it was to have one toddler and a newborn. Maybe I should take up juggling.
Anyway, I’m still adjusting to having three kids and some days are better than others. Some days I feel like super mom and other days I feel like I’d be better off taking a vacation and letting the kids have some time away from me. Some days I can make three square meals a day from scratch and others I skip meals and everyone else gets peanut butter sandwiches for two of the three meals. And that’s fine. Maybe that’s just a part of motherhood that I never noticed before until now. Now that I’m taking time to reflect on things I feel like I’m noticing more.
If you have three or more kids what are some things you’ve noticed when transitioning to the addition of a child? What helps you make special time with each of your kids? What are some one on one activities you recommend? I’m hoping that I can get back into my routine here soon and feel like a more consistently good mom. I’m far too hard on myself and I realize that when my kids just look at me like I’m the best thing since sliced bread, even on my bad days. Here’s to balancing better and feeling better about myself.
I’m sorry if this was very rambling. Bear with me please. And please please please if you have any advice please share. Or need advice. I’m an open book and my Instagram, email, or Facebook is always open.