Parental leave in the United States is absolutely ridiculous. We are not guaranteed any paid leave upon having a child, and if we are it’s not nearly enough. The first year of life is crucial in developing a relationship with your child and for some reason the U.S. believes that 3 months is enough time for a mother to recover from childbirth, build a bond, breastfeed, adjust to life as a parent or as a different family dynamic, and allow the father to build a relationship with the child as well. And for those that don’t get paid leave, which is a lot of the population in the States, they return to work much sooner than 3 months because they can’t afford to survive without that income.
I have been lucky enough to be granted paid leave unlike a lot of people in the U.S., which is amazing and I am so grateful for that, but the parental leave as a whole in this country is very underwhelming. I myself have been given 12 weeks of maternity leave with every child. With Mark and Joey I was allowed to take an extra 30 days for medical reasons prior to their birth. Then after, since I was still getting paid, I was able to take some of my vacation time to cover a few extra weeks. With that said, I still don’t think it was enough.
For a little background, I did some research and found that when 42 countries were compared next to each other for their maternity leave 41 of them had some kind of guaranteed paid parental leave, with the average being 18 weeks. In 41, yes 41, out of 42 countries parents got at least some time with ATLEAST a percentage of their pay covered. The only country that did not have any, ANY, guaranteed paid parental leave was the United States. This is unacceptable and ridiculous. Why is it that the average is 18 weeks paid leave and we come up with 0 weeks paid leave?
The first year of a child’s life is especially important. This time is when they build the lasting bond with their parents, they reach a huge amount of developmental milestones, they have a plethora of doctors check ups, and when put in daycare they usually get a lot of illnesses in the first year. Why is it that so many other countries know and understand this and we can’t figure it out? Why is it that we are forced to be separated from our children so soon when other countries (Bulgaria) have over a year of paid leave?
I am in a Facebook group for those who had babies in 2020. In this group I have seen more women than I can count on two hands and two feet that have had to rush back to work within 2-4 weeks of having a child because they couldn’t afford not to. Think that over for a second. You don’t get cleared for activities and work from your doctor until 6 weeks yet women are going back to work at 2 weeks postpartum. Further, imagine, you had a baby 2 weeks ago, you are likely still bleeding, you likely still have stitches that are healing, you most definitely still have an open wound where the placenta was attached, and yet you are forced to go back to work because you can’t afford to LIVE without it. Does this seem even a little bit logical? Is that not the most asinine thing you have ever heard?
And then people wonder why so many women suffer in their postpartum. Maybe if we didn’t force women back to work they would have the appropriate time to adjust to life as a mother, they could heal physically and mentally, and be in a healthy place to go back to work. You want to help women? Give them some time to heal. Some time to adjust. Some time to grow into their new life. Instead we send them back to work too soon, bombard them with “when are you going to have another”, and never ask them if they’re ok.
Don’t even get me started on paternal leave. Dads don’t need to spend time with their kids as newborns? Dads don’t need to adjust to life as a parent? Sure they aren’t healing physically, but dads also suffer mentally upon becoming a parent. Dads should also be granted some time to bond with their children, to adjust to their new life, to HELP THEIR CHILD’S MOTHER who is healing from a major physical event. For those women who had C-sections, does it not seem a little unfair to send their husbands back to work immediately leaving them alone with a newborn after just going through a major surgery?
Joseph and I, in the grand scheme, were extremely lucky to receive any paid leave with our kids, but lets delve into this a little bit further. With Mark, Joseph received 10 days of leave after he was born. At 10 days postpartum I still could barely walk, it hurt so bad to sit down, and my body was still in a world of hurt. Yet Joseph was back at work, only to be underway shortly after. I was at home struggling and Joseph missed out on the majority of that first year, and the years following, of Mark’s life. With Rose, Joseph received 21 days of leave. The policy had just changed so it was a fight to receive those days, and still by no means is 21 days enough. Especially when he got underway, I believe it was, less than week after he went back. Again, missing out on the majority of the first year of Rose’s life.
Now I know that many people are fighting, constantly fighting, for better maternity leave. And that’s great. It needs to happen sooner, but it’s great that they’re trying so hard. With that said, who’s fighting for the fathers? If the fathers get extra leave all it does is help mother, father, and baby. There is no harm in allowing parents time to heal, learn, and grow as a family.
We need to be better. I can’t for the life of me figure out why much of the rest of the world can figure out how to function without people when they are on parental leave, but we, seemingly the only country who can’t, can’t figure out how to function without people or give them a guaranteed ANY time off paid in the postpartum period. We need to be better. For the mothers, for the fathers, for the children, our parental leave needs to be better.
I have so much more I want to say about this but I can’t figure out how to say it right now. I would love to discuss with anyone who wants to if you know the policies in other countries, or if you just also don’t think it makes sense and would like to discuss. We need a change and I’d like to help be a part of that change. If there are any petitions you know of or any other programs fighting for parental leave to change please also point me in that direction, because I would love to see it and help make a difference in any way I can.
Also, I go back to work tomorrow which is why this has been weighing so heavy on my mind lately. I am very anxious about it and have broken down in tears about it more times than I care to admit. I wish I could have more time. I need more time.
