I’m going to try something a little different here instead of just going off book and writing about whatever is making me angry or upset when I write. This started off as like a journal for me hoping that someone else could relate. But let’s get down to some things about me that aren’t making me angry or upset. I found some ideas for journal prompts that I’m going to try and build off of one at a time. This time I’m going to focus on love languages. Joseph and I both went through a little phase where we tried to pinpoint our love languages and the kid’s love languages. Let’s jump right in.
My love language is acts of service. I appreciate gifts from people and I like spending quality time, and I really do enjoy it when people have positive words to share with me and tell me I’m doing a good job. However, what really fills my cup is when people help me with things without me having to ask. I have trouble asking for help on my own, and if I have to sit down and go over what I need help with it takes a lot out of me to have to communicate that because it would just be easier if I did it myself. For example, if I’m sitting here thinking about how I have to clean the living room and do the dishes and then Joe does that without prompting just because he knows it needs to be done, that really butters my biscuit. On the flip side, if that stuff needs to get done and everyone just ignores it and walks past it, it feels like a personal attack and completely drains me.
Joe’s love language is tricky for both of us to try and figure out. We both tend to think that his love language is quality time. When we spend time together, or with the kids, with no electronics just genuinely enjoying each other you can see his whole demeanor change. It really puts him in a good mood and he starts smiling from ear to ear and it is so contagious. This is why we tend to lean towards quality time as his love language, but he is a man of mystery that never really learned how to feel his emotions or communicate.
Mark. Oh, my sweet Marky butt. I was once reading the 5 love languages book that directly focuses on children. It said something along the lines of how every child feels all 5 love languages and they all have some kind of connection with gift giving (Chapman, 2012). That seems to check out. Kids love gifts. With that said, I think that Mark heavily resonates with gift giving and words of affirmation. He is always needing to be reassured. This tends to make me question my own parenting and if he knows how much we love him. I feel like maybe we don’t speak his love language and fill his cup as much as he needs. As far as gift giving he loves getting gifts and is always very appreciative in the moment but doesn’t cherish those things like someone whose love language would only be gift giving. If that makes sense.
Rose’s love language is physical touch. She doesn’t do personal space. She loves hugs, snuggles, kisses, or just holding hands. She is her most calm and authentic self after she is met with that kind of affection. When we are not with her she breaks down. So I know I’m saying physical touch but there’s a touch of quality time in there too. I think they kind of go hand in hand, but I’m also not an expert by any means.
Joey is a hard one. How do you pinpoint a love language on a baby? If I had to pick love languages for Joey though I would have to say that currently it’s physical touch and quality time like Rose. He is our shadow. Particularly Joe. He doesn’t leave our sides. If Joe puts him down he loses it. He definitely has a very secure attachment to both myself and Joe. He wants both of us around and he wants us playing with him. He wants to be next to us or in our arms. He doesn’t like to be alone. If he isn’t with Joe or me he’s with Rose, snuggling, or trying to play with Mark. He climbs into bed with the big two every night to give a hug and say goodnight. He really only likes to play if we are playing with him actively. We have to be holding him, sitting with him, giving him our full attention for him to be truly playful and happy.
That about sums it up for us. I find it really helpful to try and reevaluate our families love languages every once in a while so that I can more effectively love them and communicate my needs as well. It’s also pretty difficult right now having two children that want quality time and physical touch because it’s really easy to get “touched out”.
I suggest if you haven’t, you take some time and figure out your own love language. If you know your love language, what is it? Can you pinpoint how you figured out that a particular love language resonates with you? I’m going to cite some resources for anyone whose interested.
Just as a brief recap for anyone not familiar the 5 love languages are:
Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Acts of Service.
Resources:
Chapman, G. D., & Campbell, R. (2012). The 5 love languages of children. Northfield Pub.
Chapman, G. D. (2015). The 5 love languages. Northfield Pub.