I was convinced going in to get induced with Mark that I was NOT, under any circumstances, getting an epidural. They had talked to me prior about a shot in the butt and laughing gas as other, temporary, pain solutions. I was fully mentally committed before the Pitocin started that I was not getting the epidural. The reason was not because I was trying to be one of those birth warrior badass moms who does it unmedicated. Which, side note, unmedicated and natural are not the same thing. Unmedicated is self explanatory and “natural” is any birth that a baby comes out of your vagina, and I’m tired of people not knowing the difference. Hard concept to grasp apparently for some people who are those badass warrior moms that do it without medication.
Anyway, let me back off my tangent and get back on track.
I didn’t want to get an epidural with Mark because the thought of it terrified me. The mere thought of them putting anything anywhere near my spine made my skin crawl and my stomach churn something fierce. It also severely freaked out Joe. To this day he still gets that weird “can’t grip anything” feeling if I bring it up, and he wasn’t even in the room either time that I got it. Not that it matters what Joe thinks about epidurals because he’s not pushing out his children’s giant bodies, but I digress.
So I got induced with Mark and it was way more painful than Rose. Definitely was not the experience I was expecting and more than I bargained for. I was in so much pain and cussing up and down at Joe. (I was sweet as pie when the nurses came in though don’t you worry.) I was giving Joe the typical “you did this to me” monologue and all that. He likes to tell me that at one point he was terrified that I wasn’t making it out of that delivery room, so obviously I was not taking it well.
Well I decided to get the shot in the butt to help me out a little. It helped me for about all of 20 minutes before I could feel it wearing off again. Couldn’t even tell you what the name of this shot is called if you wanted to know, I think it started with an “N”. Anyway, so I got this shot and they told me some time frame that sounded reasonable before I could get another one. A few hours or something. I made it what felt like days with just this shot, despite it not doing anything for me. It was probably only realistically like an hour or two, but we’ll pretend it was longer so I feel less like a bitch.
After what felt like days, I nervously asked the nurse if I could please please please have the epidural. They brought in the anesthesiologist a few minutes later, kicked Joe out, and we got started. For the worry that I had, it wasn’t that bad at all. The worst part about getting the epidural is having contractions the entire time it’s getting put in. (And yes, I have back pain now, but I’m fairly sure it’s more from the weight of my boobs and carrying children than the epidural.) As soon as that epidural gets placed I got from Satan’s spawn screaming at Joe “you did this!” to “you’re so pretty, I love you”. Literally, that’s exactly what happens, my exact words.
Both times I can remember being curled up into this little ball contracting while they stabbed me in the spine to get this thing placed. With Mark I hadn’t been dilating for hours until I got the epidural. With Rose I labored at home so as soon as I got to the hospital at 4 centimeters and was confirmed I was staying, I was all “fuck yeah let’s get these meds broski”.
After I got the epidural with Mark, the whole mood of the room shifted. I couldn’t feel a damn thing for the rest of my labor and delivery, and boy was it great. I was completely numb for pushing too, but it still only took an hour. My nurse afterwards referred to me as “The Patron Saint of Pushing”, which made me feel really good despite not being able to feel anything during it.
With Rose I got to the hospital, got checked, got wheeled to my room, and immediately got my epidural placed. After laboring at home for hours, like several hours, it was such an amazing relief. Then, it started making me feel nauseous and dizzy so I had to get medication to help out with that. I went on painlessly through labor for hours. I got the meds around 5AM and right around 11:45/12 they started to wear off, right as I got to a ripe 9 centimeters. By pushing time (12:05PM), I had no more meds and was doing the last bit of labor and delivery getting to feel every single twinge and ache. How lovely to get to feel the “Ring of Fire”, which helped me understand why it’s called that.
I had obviously not felt any of my pushing with Mark, so being able to feel at that point came as a complete shock to me. Now, I looked at that bag of medication and there was nothing in there, not a drop, bone dry, completely empty, the whole life squeezed out of it. However, I’ve had people tell me that the nurses probably just stopped my meds so that I would be able to feel when pushing. At the time I wanted to choke someone, anyone, for not giving me more meds because I had exactly zero desire to feel that baby making its entrance. Looking back now though, it was really a great, and different, experience being able to feel pushing and is probably why I tear as bad the second time around.
My overall lesson learned about epidurals has been that there’s no shame or reason to be afraid to get one. The epidurals were so helpful and I honestly don’t know if I would have dilated any further with Mark without one. Props to moms who are warriors and have unmedicated births, and props to moms who do what they need to do to get a happy, healthy baby into their arms, natural or c-section. It is absolutely amazing that we as mothers have the option to have a damn near pain-free birth. I’m extremely grateful that I didn’t have to feel the full labor or pushing with Mark, and equally grateful that I didn’t feel the full labor but did feel pushing with Rose.
If medicated is what you want, but epidurals freak you out, I’m here to tell you, just do it. Do whatever you want or need to do to get through your labor, because it’s your labor/birth and no one else’s. No one else knows what you need or want except you. Don’t let your partner, friends, family, nurses, or anyone else (yourself), force you into a direction you don’t want to take for fear of the decision or the guilt anyone might instill in you (unless it’s a safety issue). Happy birthing mama’s and may you all have happy, healthy babies no matter what way they come.
