Let me just warn you right now, this might trigger some people but I want to touch on this topic because the longer I am a mother and the more often I talk to other mothers, the more common I realize this is.
Joseph never wanted kids. He never even thought he would get married until he met me. He was just going to live out his days as a bachelor hermit venturing out to Coldstone by himself. When we first started dating, and then again when we got married, I made it abundantly clear that I wanted kids. However, when we found out I was pregnant the look on his face was as if someone had keyed his car while kicking him in the nuts. It was a shock to me as well when the test was positive being as I was still on birth control, but when I saw those two lines I was still really excited. After all, I had dreamed of being a mommy my whole life.
My excitement quickly changed when I called out to Joseph from the bathroom and told him, what I thought, was the good news. Seeing his absolutely devastated look took the wind right out of me and truly felt like somebody had stolen my soul. I was crushed at the thought that he did not want to have this child with me. That one look sent me into an emotional and mental downward spiral.
Within 30 minutes I went from two pink lines and being ecstatic, to on the phone with my mom crying about how I felt Joseph didn’t love me and wouldn’t love this baby. I hung up the phone and starting weighing any and all of my options, something that I definitely didn’t want to be doing. I didn’t want Joseph to be upset with me and I certainly didn’t want to feel so alone as I did in that moment.
For about a week I looked into every possible outcome and option while I starting getting set up for my first doctor’s appointment. This entire time I had been avoiding telling my dad for fear of his reaction. Then like a quickly passing rain storm, everything became so clear after I told him. His only words were “we like babies” and that was that. I no longer had a single doubt in my mind that this little miracle was coming home with us in 9 short months. And he did.
9 months passed by and our beautiful little Marky was on his way home with us. From the moment he first entered Joe’s arms, all those hesitant feelings and that devastating look didn’t mean a thing. He loved that little boy and immediately melted into fatherhood. It was such an amazing moment to know that all my fears, as far as Joseph loving our son, were just ridiculous thoughts in the end.
Then here we were again just over a year later. We had planned this out so he had to be excited right? Well we all know that “Scream” painting. Just imagine me saying “honey look it’s positive, we did it” and Joe turning into the living embodiment of that painting. It was like the first time all over again and it honestly made me incredibly mad. We had planned this out! We made the schedule, we talked this over, he was onboard and more excited than me even, and now that it happened it was like the slate had wiped clean.
All over again I was crushed. Obviously I had already come to terms that this little baby was ours and I loved it, now I just had to wait for Joe to come around. This man drives me nuts to this day thinking about how long it took. I guess it just is harder for him to grasp because he doesn’t get to feel the baby, he isn’t the one with the two pink lines. I’ve noticed this as a pretty common theme for fathers in general though the more people’s stories I hear.
Looking back it’s irritating and I wish his reactions would’ve been different, I really do. I wish I could’ve had those over the moon reactions that you see on social media videos all the time. But also looking back, having grown a little, I get it. A new baby is always kind of a shocking thing to take in, whether you plan it or not, because you never know how soon it will happen. I also understand now that it has to be a lot harder, as a father, to grasp the concept of a child that early when you can’t physically see or feel what’s happening. A baby is always a big change, no matter what number you’re adding to the mix. At the end of the day, he is still here, still loving me and our kids, and a totally kick ass father.
It’s still hard to think of those faces and still frustrating, but I’m glad I have him and our kids. I love you Googly Bear. Thank you for helping me understand a little bit of the male thought process because everyone thinks women are confusing but yeesh.
And I know it’s not always easy to come to terms with your partner not being as excited as you, or taking a while, but from my experience and what I hear from others, they do come around the majority of the time.
